Thoughts on our Perfection Obsessed Society

It's 1:00 a.m. on Sunday morning and I've been home from the hospital for 2 nights. This evening I finally steeled my nerves and screwed up the courage to look at myself in a full-length mirror. You'd be amazed how difficult that was (especially since I'm taking some pretty strong painkillers and therefore stone cold sober - you know how you always thing you look so much better in the mirror after a couple of drinks!). I won't bore you with the gory details - I acknowledge my body wasn't exactly like Jennifer Aniston before all this began, but it's quite a shock when you take a hard look at your naked reflection for the first time after breast reconstruction.

So often we pass people on the street who aren't attractive and put together, may not have the cleanest clothes, have an unkempt appearance, or may possess a physical disfiguration that somehow makes us turn away in aversion. I'm as guilty of it as the next person. I vow from this point on to commit random acts of kindness when I'm faced with that situation in the future.

I know the physical body is only one dimension of an individual, and as everyone knows you're your own worst critic. But knowing that intellectually doesn't alleviate my insecurities. Will these bruises ever completely fade? What will I see when the bandages come off? What will the scars look like? How much of what I'm seeing is swelling and how much is my true body shape? How close will the breast reconstruction look to my original? Time will tell . . .

Here's a recent photo of Andy, Will and me when we volunteered at The Elephant Nature Park in Thailand in January. I love looking at this picture and remembering how much fun we had that day.




UPDATE - I'm now up to 19 people who have scheduled their overdue mammograms! And last but not least, my friends and co-workers have donated over $1,000 to the Susan Komen Foundation in my name over the past three weeks! It's great because Cisco has a matching policy so your donations are automatically doubled.