I've been cranking along at a brisk pace for the last week, occupying my time with friends and my boys and thinking every day just gets better and better. Well . . . as with many things in life, perhaps I've been fooling myself. Suddenly tonight I hit a wall -- I started watching the movie "The Blind Side" with Sandra Bullock which sounded like an uplifting and inspiring tale, but halfway through I was overcome with a tsunami of sadness and couldn't shake it.
I know I'm not facing a life or death situation but the seemingly small things really frustrate me at times -- negotiating with the insurance company (they're balking at paying for the cost of testing both tumors for biomarkers), the fact that I can't drive and am therefore dependent upon others to take me places, the thought that I'm not strong enough to walk my dogs, my constant feeling of fatigue, and a dozen other items not even worth mentioning.
As Scarlett O'Hara said in Gone With the Wind, "Tomorrow is another day." So on that note I'm signing off for the night.
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Nancy, I would imagine a good therapist would tell you -- there are many stages of grief and acceptance. You must be "hitting the wall" of relief that the surgery is over, yet the anxieties continue. Big life changes are stressful and difficult. Its good you found a trigger to let some of the emotions out.
ReplyDeleteHire someone to do the medical work, sit outside and take in the sun and fresh air, call for takeout, enjoy the dog walkers and friends who give you rides.
The big takeaway from this experience is from all the support and love you have gotten from so many people. The fatigue and the frustrations will pass -- be patient with yourself and enjoy the healing process for what it is.
Lots of love, -- Kathy
I know what you're going through, it happened to me many times over the course of my disability leave. Be patient with yourself ... I know that's asking a lot of a type A :')
ReplyDeleteAloha
ReplyDeleteJust read through several of your posts and you sound like you're doing fantastic - even with hitting that wall. If you need to cry, do it. A friend of mine said "feeling is healing." Sounds like you have so much WONDERFUL support and I'm sure there are up days and down ones. You are a brave and courageous woman so don't be so hard on yourself. Thinking of you.
Debra