Prayers Answered - NO CHEMOTHERAPY!

After days of nail biting and positive thinking, I finally got the FANTASTIC news today that I won't have to undergo chemotherapy. I can't describe the feeling of elation and relief that coursed through my body when the oncologist called with the good news! I actually broke down in tears in front of a total stranger while I was in line at the Post Office. It was a true Kodak moment.

I'll try to explain this in layman's terms because it's really pretty interesting, and something that any woman diagnosed with breast cancer should be aware of. I've dumbed down what the oncologist said because he's so brilliant that whenyou speak to him you know that he's probably among the top 5 smartest people you'll ever meet. (He's got more info in his little pinky on the subject of treating breast cancer that I'll ever have in my entire brain.)

The old school of thought was that ALL women diagnosed with breast cancer were given chemotherapy as "insurance" -- liken this to living in Southern California and getting earthquake insurance -- you get insurance even though the likelihood of an earthquake destroying your property is quite low. This is because 20% of all breast cancer patients with no lymph node involvement (which is my circumstance) are susceptible to cancer recurring somewhere else in their body at a later date. But there was no way of knowing which 20% would be the unlucky ones. So . . . everyone was given chemo as a precaution, just as everyone in So Cal gets earthquake insurance because it's not possible to predict the specific location an earthquake will strike.

Thankfully, in the last 5 years technology has evolved to the point where it's possible to test cancerous tissue to determine if the DNA indicates a less destructive or, conversely, a wickedly bad type of pathology. It's called an "Oncotype Dx" test. My tumors were sent to a company called Genomics for Oncotype Dx testing. As mentioned above, the good news is that my tumors came back with very low biomarker scores, hence the diagnosis that I don't need chemotherapy as it's highly unlikely that the cancer will recur elsewhere in my body.

Once again I'm reflecting on how thorough my doctors are, how fortunate I am to have excellent health insurance (the tumor tests alone cost $8,000), the fact that my cancer was caught early, and how prayer and positive thinking are protecting me like some huge golden aura. When I picture myself I envision "Glinda the Good Witch" on the Wizard of Oz, as she floats down to Munchkinland surrounded by that golden orb of light.

I'll sleep well tonight knowing my journey will be a little bit lighter and I'm free to totally focus on healing my body without the worry and distraction of chemotherapy.

I only wish that ALL women with breast cancer could be so lucky. This disease strikes randomly and although I'm going to survive, not everyone with breast cancer is fortunate enough to be in my position. My prayers tonight will be focused on all women out there whose diagnosis is not as positive as mine.

Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk for the Cure

I'm honored to say that my friend Kathy Knorr in Chicago (former roommate from San Francisco days, boy does SHE have some stories to tell!) is establishing a team in my name to walk the Colorado event for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk for the Cure. It's taking place August 27-28-29, 2010 and basically involves a group of people walking 20 miles a day for 3 days to beat breast cancer. We will have a team logo (under development) and will walk in my name.

If anyone reading this blog wants to participate, I guarantee it will be a FANTASTIC time! So far the following people have committed to walking with me:

- Karen and Bill Martin
- Sandy Hargrave
- Kathy Knorr
- . . . and of course myself!


It's a gorgeous Spring day with birds chirping, sunshine and 80 degree temperature in Colorado. I'm taking that as a good luck omen that my meeting with the onocologist will go well this afternoon.

Flowers and Cupcakes

Here's a short video clip that was taken when I returned home from the hospital two weeks ago. (This is the closest my house will ever get to qualifying for inclusion in House Beautiful Magazine.)

As you can see, my friends and family have been very good to me. Not only was I surrounded by flowers, but I also received some incredible Coconut Cupcakes (Barefoot Contessa recipe - YUM). There's nothing like digging into a trash novel or watching Oprah with a cupcake at your side!

Seriously, the meals are still being delivered and I'm eating so healthy it's a crime. As of last night, I'm on my own now without any caregivers staying at my house for the first time in 3 weeks. I must admit I enjoy being here alone with the dogs now that I'm strong enough to do what I need to around the house (yes, Mary Lou, I PROMISE I'm not vacuuming!).

Getting stronger every day . . .

Girls Gone Wild Denver

Last weekend, Julie Sarpy and Dianne Bruno came to visit for a few days. They both work with me in Channels Marketing at Cisco and we had a great time kicking back with the boys, who were home for Spring Break. We had a surprise snowstorm (about 10 inches fell overnight), and Julie Sarpy was the official snow shoveler -- being from Louisiana, I'm not sure she had ever experienced this amount of snow in the past. But as you can see from the photo, she did a great job!



George enjoyed himself as well, as you can see.



Dianne arrived and of course that's when the action began!



On Saturday we had a relaxing day at the Woodhouse Spa. Here's a pic of us settling in with a glass of champagne before our treatments



This last photo just goes to show what happens when someone tries to keep up with Dianne on the party scene. My 21 year old son Andy didn't stand a chance . . .

Mind the Gap

In the hospital earlier this month, I was pondering on how antiquated and unfunctional those silly hospital gowns are. There you are, at your lowest state emotionally, and you're wearing something resembling a paper thin rag you clean your windows with. Being a true clothes horse, I thought to myself: "Who on earth is in charge of choosing that horrid material for those ill-fitting garments?"

Well, all is not lost. I came across an article the other day that made me smile. Hopefully this trend will be coming soon to Denver . . .

London AP - In a boon for patients, stylish hospital gowns that snap down the side were unveiled Tuesday to eventually replace those shapeless cloth sacks with useless ties that flash open at the worst possible moment.

Designers were give 25,000 Pounds ($37,500) each to develop protoypes for products that would increase patient dignity.

The most eye-catching product was a jaunty striped hospital gown by US-born fashion designer Ben de Lisi. Made from high quality cotton with a classic pajama stripe pattern, it includes a pouch for a mobile phone and comes accessorized with a snuggly fleece blanket.

"Fine feathers make fine birds," said de Lisi, who has made dresses for stars including Kate Winslet. "If you look good, you feel good."

"Patients in hospitals are at their very lowest ebb, and you want them confident and buoyant so they can ask doctors the questions they need to ask."

Other designs included "modular bed pods" that improve privacy by funneling sound from bedside chats down instead of out and a recovery chair modeled on first-class airplane seats and designed by the team behind Virgin Atlantic's sleek Upper Class cabins.

Health Minister Ann Keen, a former nurse, said the new gowns would improve the hospital experience for everyone and could even help President Barack Obama in his efforts to overhaul US health care practices.

"We can export our ideas to Barack Obama, who has been very successful but needs that extra bit of support," she said.

The Labour Government has promised to get the designs in hospitals acrosss England next year -- if it wins a national election this Spring.

(Copyright 2010 by the Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Geez Louise! Many of you know that I'm a true Anglophile at heart. For a country that gave us such wonderful items as Burberry purses, plays by Andrew Lloyd Weber, High Tea (one of my favorite traditions) and Gin & Tonics, you have to wonder about the merits of this focus on fashion in the hospital setting.

I would humbly suggest that the National Health Service put their money towards permitting insured women to a yearly mammogram, instead of today's current standard in the UK of one mammogram for every woman every THREE years!

Above are some photos of my "home girl" Dianne Bruno and me last year in London with my dear friend Moyra and her daughter Isla, during our visit to the UK for Dianne's 40th birthday. Long live England!

Nighttime Thoughts

I've been cranking along at a brisk pace for the last week, occupying my time with friends and my boys and thinking every day just gets better and better. Well . . . as with many things in life, perhaps I've been fooling myself. Suddenly tonight I hit a wall -- I started watching the movie "The Blind Side" with Sandra Bullock which sounded like an uplifting and inspiring tale, but halfway through I was overcome with a tsunami of sadness and couldn't shake it.

I know I'm not facing a life or death situation but the seemingly small things really frustrate me at times -- negotiating with the insurance company (they're balking at paying for the cost of testing both tumors for biomarkers), the fact that I can't drive and am therefore dependent upon others to take me places, the thought that I'm not strong enough to walk my dogs, my constant feeling of fatigue, and a dozen other items not even worth mentioning.

As Scarlett O'Hara said in Gone With the Wind, "Tomorrow is another day." So on that note I'm signing off for the night.

A Word on Symmetry

I had another fascinating visit with Dr. William Brown, my wonderful plastic surgeon. He is about the most dedicated medical professional I've ever known. The guy starts his day with hospital patient visits at the crack of dawn, ducks into surgery for 6-8 hours, and then checks in with his hospital patients once or twice again every afternoon. He is apparently "The Man" in Denver when it comes to breast reconstruction. Not only is he a perfectionist and the consummate professional, he's also one of the funniest people I've ever met.

When my friend Ellen Chandra was camped out in my hospital room several weeks ago, Dr. Brown commented that he was surprised the hospital didn't suffer a brownout due to the extreme amount of technical equipment we had connected to the electrical outlets in the room. Here's a short list: 2 Cisco PCs, 2 Blackberries, 1 Ipod Touch -- you get the picture! My room looked like a cross between a flower store and a PC Repair shop.

Anyhow, he told me today that from the perspective of health insurance companies, it's all about symmetry. When a woman has reconstruction on one breast, he often performs surgery on the other one so that everything comes out looking perfectly matching when it's all said and done. A law was passed in the early '90s guaranteeing that health insurance companies pay for this so that women don't have to deal with self-image problems, prostheseses, etc. after the surgery. (Without getting too graphic, he can reverse the effects of gravity over a number of years on ye old body.)

Thankfully I have great health insurance with Cisco so once I'm back in the saddle so to speak I'll be "lookin good!" Just another little anecdote along the great journey of breast cancer . . . but seriously, we've come a long way with respect to the way in which this disease is treated and I thought this little tidbit was worth sharing.

Above is a photo of Dr. Brown and me in his office, as well as a little video clip from my hospital stay featuring Ellen and a special surprise visitor, Yogi the Therapy Dog.

Crazy Sexy Cancer and Other Reading Materials

It's been two weeks since the surgery and I'm healing quite well. The incision in my abdomen is a wicked 12 inches and the reconstructed breast - well, let's just say that I refer to it as my medicine ball. Sorry if that's too graphic for the feint of heart but I'm told by the surgeons that it will take time for everything to settle down.

I've gotten so many great books, ranging from trash novels (great to read while on Vicodin), inspirational books, funny reads, good novels, self-help books, and I'm planning to absorb them all over the next few weeks. There's even one book called "Crazy Sexy Cancer" - I may need to do a late night x-rated blog post on that one!

And of course, I LOVE the Enquirer and the Globe - I'm all current on the latest Hollywood gossip and the most recent updates on the life of Octo-Mom so just give me a call if you want the scoop.

Wow. I think back to a month ago when this all started and I'm just overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from everyone - from meals, books, flowers, visits, phone calls, emails, shuttle trips to and from the airport, and just unsolicited love from everyone. I'm on the mend and feel very uplifted spiritually and emotionally thanks to all of you.

Thank you everyone - and THIS BEARS REPEATING and is a testament to the quality of my co-workres at Cisco: We've raised almost $1,500 for the Susan Komen Foundation and I've inspired over 20 women to get their overdue mammograms since this journey began.

I should know within a week whether the lab tests on the tumors will indicate chemo as a therapy I will have to undergo. Please keep the prayers coming! My current caregiver, Sandy Hargrave, tells me I need to sign off now and behave as I'm getting too rowdy.

Nancy

Sisterhood

I never had a sister, and as a child I was a serious tomboy sandwiched in between two brothers (hence my childhood nickname "Chuck").

Through my childhood and teenage years I always wished for a sister. Maybe that's why I cherish the depth of my female relationships so seriously and value them so intensely. I've found over the years that my "sisters" have sustained me through challenges and we've been there for another time after time regardless of the curve balls life throws us.

Above is a shot of my friend Mary Lou Hely who took over duties from Ellen Chandra for the past week and literally doing ANYTHING I need her to. We've shared laughter, tears, hope and sadness over the past few days and I can't imagine getting through this experience by myself.

My friend Shelley from Dubai sent me an email this week that really struck a chord, so I decided to post it on my blog as it articulates perfectly the love and support I'm receiving now from my friends literally all over the world: Denver, San Francisco, Albuquerque, San Diego, Pittsburgh, Chicago, North Carolina, Copenhagen, New Jersey, New York, Tokyo, Massachusetts, Washington DC, Chicago, Dubai, and London where I have female friends. Here goes:

The Importance of Sisters

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, marriage, and the responsibilities and obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll become more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband or the children you may have, you're still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then, and do things with them. Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women . . . your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. You'll need other women. All women do."

"What a funny piece of advice!" the young woman thought. "Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couples world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!"

But she listened to her mother. She kept in contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters became the mainstays of her life. After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned.

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't always do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT . . . sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never further away than a phone call or an email. When you walk that lonesome valley by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they'll even break the rules and walk beside you or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended family all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other . . . every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. Short and very sweet. There are more than twenty angels out there. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading my blog at this moment. Send this message to ten of your friends, including me. If you get 5 replies, someone you love will surprise you. Celebrate the joys of friendship and tell your friends what they mean NOW. This may impact someone you haven't talked with in a while, or reinforce the friend you just saw yesterday, or last week.

Thank you ALL out there for being part of my unique circle of friends. I wouldn't trade one of you for anyone else in the world.

Nancy

Thoughts on our Perfection Obsessed Society

It's 1:00 a.m. on Sunday morning and I've been home from the hospital for 2 nights. This evening I finally steeled my nerves and screwed up the courage to look at myself in a full-length mirror. You'd be amazed how difficult that was (especially since I'm taking some pretty strong painkillers and therefore stone cold sober - you know how you always thing you look so much better in the mirror after a couple of drinks!). I won't bore you with the gory details - I acknowledge my body wasn't exactly like Jennifer Aniston before all this began, but it's quite a shock when you take a hard look at your naked reflection for the first time after breast reconstruction.

So often we pass people on the street who aren't attractive and put together, may not have the cleanest clothes, have an unkempt appearance, or may possess a physical disfiguration that somehow makes us turn away in aversion. I'm as guilty of it as the next person. I vow from this point on to commit random acts of kindness when I'm faced with that situation in the future.

I know the physical body is only one dimension of an individual, and as everyone knows you're your own worst critic. But knowing that intellectually doesn't alleviate my insecurities. Will these bruises ever completely fade? What will I see when the bandages come off? What will the scars look like? How much of what I'm seeing is swelling and how much is my true body shape? How close will the breast reconstruction look to my original? Time will tell . . .

Here's a recent photo of Andy, Will and me when we volunteered at The Elephant Nature Park in Thailand in January. I love looking at this picture and remembering how much fun we had that day.




UPDATE - I'm now up to 19 people who have scheduled their overdue mammograms! And last but not least, my friends and co-workers have donated over $1,000 to the Susan Komen Foundation in my name over the past three weeks! It's great because Cisco has a matching policy so your donations are automatically doubled.

There's No Place Like Home

I do feel a bit like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz - when I was wheeled into the hospital room after my surgery on Monday everyone was peering around me and I was just so glad to have the ordeal over! The week has been a bit of a drug-induced blur so I'll recount what I remember about things.

We arrived at St. Joseph's hospital Monday morning and Ellen had arranged for a prayer session with Deacon Dominic, after which I was taken to pre-op. No Blackbeerry allowed so of course I was twiddling my thumbs and trying to read my book but couldn't concentrate. Ellen and my friend Karen Martin were in the surgery waiting area and kept shuttling in notes from Will, who was texting me all morning with his good thoughts and concerns.

The next thing I knew, I was wheeled into the operating room and the world fast forwarded to 7:00p.m. when I woke up in recovery after my 6 hour surgery. The doctors informed me that all had gone well and I was being taken to my room on the 10th floor. The first 24 hours were a morphine-induced haze, thankfully I have little memory of that time. On Wednesday I had a bit of a rough go as I was withdrawing from the narcotics with a nasty headache, but my friend Leslie stayed by my side until I got through that rough patch. Friends came and go, people called to check in, and my room began to look like a floral shop.

Thursday was a new day - I was determined from the moment I got up that I was going to defy the odds and go home early (they had originally projected a 5 day stay). After meeting with the plastic surgeon Dr. Brown, he agreed that I was in good enough shape to be discharged under the supervision of my friends, so we arrived home around 5:00 p.m.

To my friend Ellen Chandra: I could not have survived this week without you unfailingly by my side, acting as part concierge, part nurse, and of course taking care of my dogs at night. It was SO GREAT to get home yesterday and be surrounded by my things and have Sadie and George licking my hands as a welcome greeting. (Not to mention that I looked unspeakably grimy - this experience has make me more convinced than ever that I NEVER want to camp again in my entire life. I am not the "roughing it" type and never will be!)

After all is said and done, I feel like the luckiest person in the world. Yes, this was a gruesome week and I feel like I have been poked and prodded enough for a lifetime, but I am cancer free and there is no sign of anything in the lymph nodes.

More later - signing off from Kansas.

Nancy aka Dorothy

Tomorrow is the Big Day

I'm sitting here with my "Goomba" (as she calls herself), Ellen Chandra watching the Oscars. There are SO MANY special people I want to thank for being there for me . . .

Ellen of course - for willingly flying in from California and giving up a week of her life to be by my side at the hospital this week (watch out nurses if she doesn't think the care is up to par!)

Kat, for making me certain that I've chosen the best plastic surgeon on the planet by sharing her personal experience with me

Judy, my dear friend in San Diego, who walked 60 miles last year in honor of breast cancer, and who is wearing her t-shirt again as she walks another 60 miles

Rich my "web toy boy" for helping me design this blog

My two BFFs, Mary Lou from Cleveland and Mary Lou from Half Moon Bay, for being there ALWAYS to listen

My friend Shelley from Dubai who has turned me on to Pranic Healing, which will allow me to go into surgery tomorrow with my chakras aligned

Dianne, Julie, Liz, Laura, and all of my friends who have sent me cards and well wishes

Val in Albuquerque who has been a rock since day one of my diagnosis, for openly sharing her wisdom

Patty, Marlene and Nancy H, who have accompanied me to all of my doctor appointments

Kathy in Chicago who is organizing this year's 60 mile walk in Denver for my friends and I

Marlys, Maureen, Deana and Marilyn for providing healthy meals for me during these past crazy weeks

I'm sure I'm forgetting some people but the bottom line is, I will sleep well tonight knowing that all of you have me in your heart and I will enter my surgery tomorrow knowing that you're all praying for me.

Nancy

Essential Checklist!

I love making lists - there's something satisfying about checking things off and obtaining a sense of completion when everything is done. Maybe that's because I NEVER feel that way at work, the list just keeps getting longer and longer . . . Here's my "To Do" List of things to complete before the surgery on Monday:

1. Take a bubble bath every day (twice is good too).

2. Drink expensive champagne and eat some good dark chocolate (no cheap stuff allowed).

3. Relax several times a day with a cup of tea by the fire.

4. Go on a long hike with my dogs George Clooney and Sadie.

5. Have my son Will make me a new Ipod playlist so I can listen to mellow music as I'm drifting off prior to surgery.

6. Stock up on reading material: Currently on the list, Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips, What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell, The Help by Kathryn Stockett, back issues of The New Yorker.

7. Spend some time in solitude at church.

8. Get a manicure and pedicure (pedicure must be a WILD color - I choose electric blue).

9. Attend a Pink Yoga class (more on that later).

10. Buy some great loungewear for hanging out at home after the surgery.

11. Have a great dinner with Andy and Will.

12. Cry when I feel like it.

13. Watch a really funny movie.

14. Indulge myself with a Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte with TONS of whipped cream.

15. Start planning my next vacation . . . maybe a girls' trip to Provence this fall?

Notice that there's nothing on my list like "Clean the Bathroom,""Wash the Car," or "Pay Bills" -- this is total indulgence focused on ME. I love it!!!

Pink Yoga

Yesterday I participated in one of the most POSITIVE, uplifting experiences I've had since this journey began - Pink Yoga. Don't you love that name? (For those of you wondering if that is me in the photo above doing a handstand, the answer is a firm NO. I am still on my training wheels when it comes to yoga.)



Pink Yoga was founded two years ago by Buffy Barfoot, a Denver yoga teacher whose mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother all had breast cancer. Her vision was to create a space for women diagnosed with breast cancer to come together and harness their beauty and power and potential to heal. The program is open to all women at any stage of breast cancer, from those currently in treatment to women who are years into remission. It's impossible to put into words the overwhelming feeling of support and nurturing I received yesterday from Buffy and Aimee Purcell, wife of my co-worker Eric Purcell. In true Cisco style, Eric reached out to me immediately after hearing about my diagnosis.

After attending this session, I feel a heightened sense of confidence in my body's ability to heal and remain strong in the face of adversity, as well as a connection to a community of wonderful women who are walking this path with me. Thank you, Eric and Aimee, for this truly special gift. (And my boys thank you for your awesome lasagna, Amy!) Below is a quick video featuring Buffy and Aimee at Pink Yoga, and a link to an article on their program.

http://www.komendenverblog.org/2009/12/23/pink-yoga-community-of-the-heart/

Movies for Healing

One of my favorite, fun-loving friends is Janet Cunningham. She is a "movie maven" and lives in New York City. Of course when Janet found out I was having surgery she immediately asked, "What can I do to help?" So I thought the perfect thing for the recuperation was for her to put together her all-time favorite list of movies! Here it is -

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Albert Brooks’ flicks:
Defending Your Life
Lost in America
Private Benjamin
Mother

Coen Brothers:
The Big Lebowski
Burn After Reading

Christopher Guest:
Waiting for Guffman
A Mighty Wind
Best in Show

Almost Famous
Home for the Holidays

I've got a few of these on order and the only thing missing will be Janet and her husband Tony sitting on the couch with me munching on popcorn as I recover. I'll just have to make do with George and Sadie by my side.

Thoughts on Karma, Luck and Voodoo Catholicism

When I visited Tokyo in December, my neice Laurie took Will and I to the famous Senso-ji Temple in Tokyo, where I received a "good fortune" that read:

* Your wishes will be realized. * A sick person will recover. * The lost article will be found * The person you are waiting for will come. * Building a new house and removal are good. * Making a trip is good. * Marriage and employment are all good.*

Here's a shot of my niece Laurie, my son Will and I at the temple:

On the next leg of our journey, we spent New Year's Eve in Chiang Mai, Thailand, where the tradition involves launching a lantern into the night sky, apparently to usher out the demons and welcome in good luck for the coming year. Here's a pic of Andy and Will launching their lantern -

I've also been receiving lots of religious "talismans" from people in my life who want to provide positive affirmations for the surgery on Monday. Here's a photo of my collection, which includes:

- Lucky Buddha necklace given to me by my son Will in Thailand
- Guardian angel bracelet
- Catholic mass cards featuring St. Theresa and Guardian Angel
- Gold angel pin
- Lucky talisman from Senso-ji Temple in Tokyo signifying "one wish"
- St. Anthony and St. William medallions that my sons wore when playing sports

And last but not least, on New Year's Day in Chiang Mai, Thailand I received a woven bracelet from a Buddhist monk who gave me a special blessing for the year, with the promise that if I wore it for 365 days I would live to be 100 years old! (Of course I still have it on but it's looking a bit worse for wear.)

I'm not normally a superstitious person, but with all these things coming my way, there must be some message from the universe for me. So, I'm going to ask the surgeon if I can put all my "lucky" items in a Ziploc bag and take them into the surgery with me. What the heck, it can't hurt.

Add to that ALL the well wishes, prayers, thoughts and positive vibes that my friends and family are throwing my way, and I think I'm in pretty good shape for Monday!

Making an Impact

Since I started blogging about three weeks ago on the subject of breast cancer, here are some things that have happened:

- 14 women have scheduled their overdue mammograms (you know who you are, I'm not naming names) - AWESOME!

- Of those 14, three have been called back for rechecks

- My friend Susan Limoncelli donated $100 in my honor at a breast cancer benefit last week! Thank you, Susan, for your generous spirit.

That is truly the mission of my blog: To educate and raise awareness of the importance of getting annual mammograms, and to give back to the community so that others who are less fortunate can have equal access to annual screenings at no cost. I have a new motto (compliments of Sasha at the St. Joseph Breast Care Center):


SAVING THE WORLD ONE BREAST AT A TIME

Ice in Her Veins

My BFF Mary Lou, who I've known since 1978, has always marveled at my ability to maintain composure during the saddest, sappiest movies. Remember Ali McGraw in Love Story, or Julia Roberts in Dying Young? Everyone else around me is pulling out the kleenex and I'm always the one sitting there stoically dry-eyed. Mary Lou's always joked that I must have "ice in my veins."

Well, all that has changed recently. Now I'm the one with mounds of used kleenex everywhere, and crying has become a part of my daily routine. Not a day goes by that I'm not overcome with emotion -- it can hit randomly when Andy or Will call to check in on me, when I hear amazing stories of courage from breast cancer survivors, when a total stranger hugs me in a clinical setting, when I feel the wet nuzzle of my dogs on my face, when I listen to a powerful piece of music . . . heck, I even started crying in front of the mailman the other day for no apparent reason!

This has been a great release for me. It's part of the necessary but painful process of removing my "strong" mask that I've presented to the world for so, so long. I'm accepting the fact that crying in no way diminishes my strength. I'm confident that my body is ready to fight this battle and that a few tears along the way are just a part of the self-discovery I'm experiencing. My life is enriched by the tears, just as a flower blooms after being nurtured and watered by nature.

I'm reminded of a quote by Anne Morrow Lindberg, author of one of my alltime favorite books, Gift From the Sea: "Woman must come of age by herself. She must find her true center alone." This is a book that I try to reread at least once a year, full of simple wisdom and using the sea as a methaphor for women's lives.

Gearing up for the Big Day

I met earlier this week with Dr. Denise Norton and Dr. William Brown, who will be in charge of my surgeries on Monday, March 8.

Dr. Norton will perform the mastectomy, a one-hour surgery which includes a Sentinel Node Biopsy of several lymph nodes to get a definitive answer on whether the cancer has spread beyond the breast. If not, great news. If so, this will dictate a different course of post-surgery treatment by the oncologist.

Then Dr. Brown steps in to "put Humpty Dumpty back together again." He will perform a 4-5 hour procedure called a TRAM Flap (I know, it sounds like something related to NASCAR). This operation allows you to use your own body's muscle, fat and skin to reconstruct the breast. I like the idea of using my own tissue because an implant kind of creeps me out -- the thought of a foreign object being placed in my body. As my brother Jim would say, "I don't go for implants."

The body fat is taken, interestingly enough, from your stomach (goodbye muffin top!) and hooked up to to the blood supply of the breast and voila! -- they stitch you up and 3-5 days later you are released from the hospital. The recuperation from all of this is pretty major but I'll have my friend Ellen Chandra from California staying with me to help me through the first days.

Here's a video of the women who work at Dr. Brown's office. He is one of the most reknowned plastic surgeons in Denver so I'm putting my faith in him . . .

One question I've been pondering: Why is he called a plastic surgeon? I'm going to research that on the Internet to make sure they aren't planning to insert any Tupperware into my body.