For those of you who know me well, you know that I love planning down to the intricate detail level when I go on a vacation. So I'm approaching this surgery just as if I were planning for a big trip.
I'm taking a leave from Cisco to prepare mentally and physically for the surgery. This week I plan to spend several hours a day with my Blackerry turned off and FEEL my emotions (hard to believe I know, some people have asked if I'll tuck it under my hospital gown before the surgery). I need to clear my head and process through whatever comes up.
As one of my friends put it, "There's no emotion around losing an organ such as an appendix or a gall bladder -- but a breast has so many connotations and is connected to your core femininity, childbearing, self image, and of course your sexuality." I'll still be the same person after the mastectomy and the plastic surgeon can make a physically perfect replica, but there's a process of grieving and loss involved that can't be denied.
I know the surgery is unavoidable and necessary for my future health and well being, and by moving through this process and feeling the emotions I will emerge to live a joyful, resilient, and healthy life. Yes, I'll have a few battle scars but they will serve as proud testament to the fact that I've joined the community of survivors who have conquered this disease.
And what the heck, since I'm planning to use my own body tissue vs. an implant, it's like getting a free tummy tuck in the process!
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